Baby Rules

Dear Mom,

I think we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over the past 7 months, but I feel like there are some basic day-to-day rules you sometimes forget.  I’ve written them out for you to help you remember.  Cheers.

1.  I will squeak, squeal, giggle and laugh during any potentially frustrating thing I may be doing.  You can’t possibly be upset with me then, because I’m cute.  You’re welcome.

2.  You are not allowed to eat dinner until I’ve had my last feeding and am in bed.  If you try, I will cry and whine the whole time so that you cannot enjoy yourself and you have to eat quickly.  I will also probably become hungry early, by at least a half hour.  This also applies to prep-work for dinner, although depending on my mood I may take it easy on you.

3. You didn’t want to drink that whole cup of coffee this morning, did you?  I need play time.  You can reheat it later.

4.  You make funny faces when I stick my fingers in your mouth after I’ve been chewing on them.  I like that.  I will keep doing it.

5.  If you say out loud that you like an outfit I am wearing, I reserve the right to puke, pee, and/or poop on it.  Potentially all three.  I am an equal opportunist.

5a.  If you say out loud that you like an outfit you are wearing, I also reserve the right to puke, pee, and/or poop on  it.

6.  You weren’t trying to go somewhere, were you?  I have to poop.  Right now.  Everywhere.

7.   If you leave the room without me and no one else is there, I get lonely.  Mom….mom?  Where are you going mom?  DON’T LEAVE ME IN THIS ROOOOOM!!!!!  AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  AHHHHHHHHH!  COME BAAAACK!

8.  I reserve the right to switch up any feeding or napping routines I may have developed.  Don’t get comfortable lady.

8a. Also, do not try to use my nap times to get things done.  I know what you are doing.  I will not tolerate it.

9.  You make funny faces and noises when I grab your glasses and try to throw them.  Also when I grab your earrings.  I like that.  I will keep doing it.

10.  I like when you pick things up.  I will keep throwing them for you.  I don’t want you to be bored.

11.  When you are showering I like to become suddenly quiet while I wait in my chair, because you poke your head out and look at me.  I like playing peek-a-boo.  I will keep doing that.

12.  Do not ever try to feed me in a hurry to get out the door.  I enjoy a leisurely meal and do not like to be rushed.  Plan your schedule accordingly.

13.  For remembering all of this, I will love you and continue to be cute so again, you can’t ever really be upset with me.  I bet you think half of this stuff is funny anyway.  I certainly do.


I am sure I forgot something, but you know, I gotta keep you on your toes mom.  Just keep in mind that all of this is subject to change without notice.





One thought on “Baby Rules

  1. 14. I will keep trying to work some of this until I am a teenager. I want you to promise me now that you will still find it adorable when my voice has changed and I am six feet tall.

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